Is My Husband Gay? What To Do About A Cheating Spouse

If you are heterosexual, and in a relationship with someone you thought was straight, learning that your mate is gay can be devastating. Discovering your significant other is cheating to explore or cover up their sexual preferences is especially painful.  We have worked with many people who have been in relationships with individuals who hid being gay, bisexual, or on the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

If you and your partner aren’t aware of and comfortable with each other’s sexual preferences and habits, it might be time for a conversation. It’s never good to jump to conclusions based on assumptions and misunderstandings. It is our opinion that a person should be open and up-front about their sexuality with the individual that they intend to have an intimate relationship with.

Suspecting your cheating partner is gay can lead to surprising realizations. Perhaps you have access to your partner’s internet history, and you notice visits to gay pornographic or same-sex dating websites. Maybe he or she is spending more time with openly gay friends. These are clues that might indicate that your cheating significant other is gay, but it’s difficult to obtain evidence of this.

Bonnie Kaye, of Gay Husbands, Straight Wives, was devastated when she learned that her ex-husband was gay. Following the dissolution of their marriage, she has devoted her life to the subject, and by this time has, counseled many women and authored several books dedicated to helping women cope with the realization that they have been in a relationship with a gay man. Many husbands never disclose the truth about their secret life. Some husbands may eventually disclose they are gay to their families. Others are discovered after years of marriage, often including children. Ms. Kaye offers resources for gay men who may want to come out to their wives but are afraid to. Many women find themselves turning to Ms. Kaye’s website as an educational, authoritative resource when they find themselves asking, “Is my husband gay?” Ms. Kaye’s site is informative and her group meetings are a valuable resource to people seeking answers. She is willing to help anyone involved in these difficult situations.

On the surface, the signs of a cheating partner are the same for a husband that’s straight and a husband hiding  he’s gay. There may be an initial decline in sexual activity or interest in you, a sudden preoccupation with appearance, excessive private phone usage, protectiveness over technology, and an increase in time spent at the gym or somewhere else away from you. It’s important to remember that you cannot draw conclusions from one or two of these signs, but a combination of several behaviors can be concerning.

There are other more obvious signs that your significant other might be homosexual. As mentioned previously, a computer history that shows frequent visits to gay pornographic websites may indicate that your husband has a different sexual preference than you were led to believe.

A heterosexual cheater may have an occasional gay pornographic link or a pop-up appear on their computer. You will not usually see a history of these types of websites.

Your partner’s sexual behavior may change dramatically than what you may be used to.

If your partner admits to having relationships or sexual encounters with people of the same sex in the past, he or she may be inclined to still pursue relationships with the same sex.

It’s important to understand these can be signs, not confirmation your significant other is gay. There are exceptions to any rule, but this may help to inform your decision to look deeper or to seek help.

Whether your husband is gay or straight, it’s never good for someone to actively hide the truth from you in your relationship. You deserve honesty regarding his feelings and activities, especially if they are keeping you from having a fulfilling, loving relationship. It is important to develop a plan when investigating a cheating spouse on your own or with a licensed private investigator. We recommend that you hire a qualified private investigator to determine what investigative services, if any, may prove beneficial.

The right private investigator can help you with surveillance services, and many other services, which may provide the evidence you need to feel empowered to make your own decisions regarding the relationship.

Whether you uncover confirmation of your suspicions it is important to speak to a counselor or therapist to help you use tools to objectively deal with your situation. While it may seem destructive or invasive at the time, knowing the truth and having someone to talk to can help you to have the strength to move forward with your life. Be diligent when choosing a therapist, marriage counselor, or other relationship professional. Many are underqualified, lack the proper experience, and do not help to improve your situation. They only succeed in creating multiple ongoing visits and expense.

Mike Garroutte has been a private investigator since 1982, and is licensed in the state of California. Mike has helped to uncover the truth for thousands of clients who suspected their spouse was cheating. Mr. Garroutte has provided information in guest appearances on Bonnie Kaye’s weekly podcast . Mike has provided critical information to law enforcement, news outlets, and other information resources. Some of the services that Mike and Linked Investigations offer for people involved in difficult situations include background checks, asset searches, bank account searches, surveillance, and free attorney referrals.  If you need the help of a qualified private investigator with your unique situation, reach out to us for a discreet, no obligation consultation. Call 877-464-5374 or 714-432-9911.

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