There are 6 different types of cheating spouse scenarios. Who knew?

Saying spousal infidelity is difficult to deal with is a vast understatement. To actually catch a cheater is a pivotal, often traumatic, sort of event. The ramifications can go far beyond the emotional, as excruciating as that can be. Everything is affected and it's all at risk; family, home, and finances. And, in the midst of all the emotional turmoil, critical choices must be made, decisions you'll have to somehow summon the control to make rationally, not emotionally, because they'll affect the rest of your life. Yes, difficult is an understatement. What follows are six cheating spouse scenarios.

Knowledge is essential to making these decisions. You have to know what's really going on to accurately assess the situation and make solid, smart choices. In Psychology Today, psychologist Douglas LaBier described six scenarios spouses typically catch a cheater participating in.

What Type of Affair is Your Cheating Spouse Having?

After decades of work with individuals and couples who have cheated, or been cheated on, he has determined that people usually cheat for one of six reasons:

  1. Lusy, Lusty. There's the sex only type, which often has an element of compulsion about it. Public figures frequently make headlines with these, leaving people to wonder how they could risk losing everything for a furtive, often sleazy, escapade.
  2. Getting Revenge. Revenge affairs are often about everything but the sex. One partner's needs are not being met by the other. If this situation continues long enough for anger or resentment to build, they may have an affair to get get the other person's attention. Revenge Affairs are all about getting back at your partner for deep-seeded relationship issues.
  3. Fantasy World. These affairs are interesting because they are never actually consummated with sex. They could be called "the everything-but-sex" affair. Fantasy affairs are often highly intimate, being based on mutual interests, beliefs, and/or spirituality. In these "mind only" affairs, both parties agree that they want to stay in their primary relationship, and so they avoid having sex, but the emotional effects can often be felt by their partner.
  4. The Family Affair. Just as the name implies, this one can be the least suspected, occurring between your mate and your own family members. Often, they are acted upon after years of pent up sexual tension. Perhaps the parties think that "one-time-only" will be enough, but it often isn't. This is the worst kind of betrayal, often involving best friends. They can cause major emotional damage to entire families.
  5. "It's NOT an Affair!" In this one, one person is in a committed relationship and the other isn't. They do care for one another, and they do have sex. The cheater may even become jealous of his/her lover, even though the lover is unattached and the cheater is married! The unattached partner may ultimately believe the cheater will eventually leave his/her spouse, although the cheater has no intention of doing so. In this scenario, the cheater is usually the husband, and the lover is a single woman who believes he'll eventually leave the wife. In fact, her feeling that her relationship with the man is meant to be, keeps her from feeling guilty about the fact she is actually "the other woman."
  6. The Worst Kind of Affair. This is the most difficult for couples to heal from. During this affair, the cheater is both attracted and cares deeply for the person they are cheating with. The affair consumes their mind and their body, which makes it doubly hurtful for the innocent spouse.

Do you suspect your husband or wife is cheating? Take a look at your relationship.

Your relationship might be the key to the type of cheating that is taking place. Affairs arising from a weakness in the relationship, or the partner's relationship skills, fall into one category. Revenge and non-sexual emotional affairs are good examples, as these people probably lack relationship skills like conflict resolution, communication and intimacy skills. If the partners want to do the work, these relationships may be salvageable.

Cheating that stems from a fundamental character flaws, like deep betrayal affairs or those related to some deep-seated sexual compulsion or addictive behavior are more likely to involve ongoing, repetitive incidents. In these cases, the primary partner needs to understand that cheating will probably be a routine occurrence, and be able to put it aside for the other benefits the relationship brings to the table.

It's important to know what you're dealing with to determine how best to proceed. A professional licensed investigator can help.

Hire a licensed California private investigator to catch a cheater

Mike Garroutte is a discrete, reliable licensed private investigator with 30 years of experience. Owner of Linked Investigations, he has the expertise and skill to get the task done. If your need to catch a cheater or to collect the information you need to decide how to handle spousal infidelity, dial 877-464-5374 for a consultation. Our surveillance services are unsurpassed.

Published on: 
September 1, 2013
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