Why Does a Cheating Spouse Cheat in the First Place?

So why the heck is your cheating spouse being unfaithful to you in the first place? This is the million dollar question, and it seems that it has about a million different answers since everyone - and every relationship - is different. However, according to relationship expert, Dr. Gail Carle, interviewed on Match.com, there are some general themes. After reading her article, we would have to agree.

As licensed private investigators in Los Angeles and Orange County, our team has helped thousands of individuals catch a cheating spouse, and we have seen the same themes play out over and over again.

Los Angeles Private Investigator Discusses Why Spouses Cheat

Here are some of the reasons why spouses, or anyone, cheats on their partner. For the most part, these are listed in no particular order but the first one is most certainly at the root of it all.

  1. Low Self Esteem. So often, the person who is cheated on feels like they are unworthy. In fact, it is often the cheater who has the larger self-esteem issues to battle. Look at this objectively, a balanced, healthy, and genuinely self-secure person would never cheat. They would either confront their relationship, or self-image, issues head on or they would honor the feelings of the other individual and end the relationship. However, a cheater is looking outside him or herself for some type of validation, and that is the sign of a low self-esteem.
  2. Learned behavior. You know the statistics surrounding child abuse? Those who were abused when they were young are more likely to abuse their own children, even though the idea of abuse is abhorrent to them. Why is this? Because they never learned any other ways to cope with stress, anger, frustration, etc., and so they immediately regress to their only model of behavior. The same is true with cheating. If your partner's father and/or mother had a history of infidelity, s/he may have to do some extra internal work to learn how healthy couples communicate, work through things, deal with adversity, etc.
  3. An easy out. If your relationship is on the rocks, or is no longer meeting the needs of your significant other, and s/he is emotionally weak, cheating is an easy way to ditch the relationship without ever having to own up to the truth. In some cases, a low self-esteem will almost compel individuals to cheat. If they need to have a partner to feel fulfilled, they will be desperate to line up Partner Number 2 before they feel confident leaving Partner Number 1.
  4. Total Self-Centeredness. Believe it or not, a huge ego, self-centeredness, and completely selfish behavior are all signs of low self-esteem! So take a clue from the beginning, if your relationship is always about them, it always will be about them, and cheating is just par for the course, because all that really matters is their instant gratification. Your feelings are low on the list, or might not have ever made it on the list in the first place.
  5. Addiction. Married or dating an addict? Most people's consciences begin to fade when they are intoxicated. An addict will also do whatever it takes to feed their addiction. While they may need to be intoxicated to have the courage to cheat the first time or two, slowly but surely, they become de-sensitized. Dr. Willard F. Harley says, Alcoholics commonly engage in their most painful habits while under the influence. Acts of infidelity are common." Surprise, surprise - self-esteem and unresolved life issues are the root cause of addiction as well.

What are the signs of a cheating spouse?

The first sign your spouse is cheating may come in the form of your own gut instincts. Dr. Gilda says it best, "You must start to trust yourself and your own instincts about people...I believe everyone knows, subconsciously, that his or her partner is cheating when that's what is going on."

Other typical signs of a cheating spouse include :

  • A newfound preoccupation with his/her appearance.
  • Being overly protective of his/her phone and/or email.
  • Unusual tardiness and/or skipping out of obligations altogether with increasingly poor excuses.
  • Business trips and work meetings become much prevalent than they used to be.

Hire a Los Angeles Private Investigator to Catch a Cheating Spouse

If you suspect your spouse is cheating, and are tired of facing the repeated denials and excuses, it may be time to take action. No relationship can survive a breakdown in communication and trust.

Mike Garroutte, owner of Linked Investigations, is a licensed Los Angeles Private Investigator. He can help to uncover the evidence you need to catch your cheating spouse, so you can begin to create a plan for your future. Don't let someone else's weaknesses control your life.

Published on: 
July 1, 2013
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