Does Catching a Cheating Spouse Mean the Marriage Has to End?
When clients hire us for cheating spouse surveillance services, they are often 100% sure that proof positive will be the end of their marriage. In fact, this is not always the case. We have seen every reaction under the sun - - from couples who begin to work things out and rebuild their marriage or relationship from the ground up, to those whose anger and hurt manifest in violent and worst-case-scenario situations.
Nobody can predict how they will actually feel once they know their husband or wife is cheating. However, this article titled, "When to Divorce: Questions to Ask Yourself Before Ending Your Marriage," can help you in determining whether or not finding out your spouse is cheating will be the final straw for you.
Here were some of our favorite points.
Questions to ask yourself before and after you have proof of a cheating spouse
- Is the problem hard or soft? Hard problems are those like physical and/or emotional abuse or a partner who has an alcohol/drug addiction and refuses to pursue treatment. For some people, cheating is a hard problem. It is something that cannot be overlooked or worked through. This is especially true when the cheating is more than a one time incident, or is a full-blown emotional affair. However, there are also times where cheating is usually indicative of a deeper problem, like intimacy, not having emotional or physical needs met, or subconscious patterning from a dysfunctional parental relationship. These issues can often be considered soft problems , able to be worked through via communication, therapy, and a deep recommitment to the relationship.
- Envision a realistic future. When couples build up the type of hurt and resentment that leads to a divorce, especially when part of that hurt and resentment is due to infidelity, the fantasy of an untethered future is luxurious. The problem is, fantasies are not reality. It's really important that you reflect on the big, long-term future:
- Can you imagine splitting up the family?
- Do you still love your partner? Can you remember good, quality, shared experiences?
- Are you prepared to take on the extra financial responsibility of alimony and/or child support without the benefits of having your family under the same roof?
- What are the business roles you both share in the relationship? How will your day-to-day life be affected by the absence of your partner?
- Beware of the fantasies of the Perfect Future Mate. We all have baggage, emotional wounds, and personal issues that we bring into a relationship. In addition to his/her own fair share of problems, there's a good chance your future mate will have an ex-spouse (or two) and children, which bring their own issues to the table.
Don't let denial regarding future trials and tribulations pave a fake golden road into Divorce Sunset.
- Can you handle a little limbo? Sometimes the most painful and challenging thing of all is accepting that you will be in limbo for a little while - or a long while - should you choose to work things out. Again, in the case of a cheating spouse, trust issues - deservedly - rear their ugly head and it can seem downright unbearable at times. You won't know if he or she is going to change. There are no guarantees that your feelings will shift or change. Nobody has the crystal ball that can predict whether or not hanging in there is the best option. That being said, when you speak to couples who have been together for 20, 30, and 50+ years, all of them get pretty honest about how hard times can be, and how worth it it was to get through it. Try to accept that there is no magic answer and that the two of you will have to be cooperative and willing to stick it out for a while - in limbo - as you figure things out.
Do you have a success story? Did you catch a cheating spouse and still have the ability to heal and move forward? Please share your thoughts on whether or not a cheating spouse meant your marriage had to end.
Mike Garroutte is a licensed Los Angeles and Orange County private investigator. His investigative services have helped to catch cheating spouses for more than 30 years. Over and over he has seen how having proof of a cheating husband or wife has been exactly what his clients need to receive peace of mind, and to determine their future plans.